Symbol of femininity, the breast involves self-image. But few women are satisfied. How to learn to love, to reconcile with her, maintain and beautify it? Some tell us about it, others have agreed to disclose.

Too small, too big, painful, swollen, distended, leaking, pear then they would have loved the apple-shaped … Few women like their breasts. “Many of them tell me they cry watching them in their bathroom at night,” says Valerie Supper, creator of “breasts workshop” organized in Paris. Marie, 40, hated so much to see this part of her body that she had e confi actually remove the part of the mirror where she saw them: “When I sit in front of my sink, I do not want to watch my face. Maternity and breastfeeding have, I think, considerably damaged my breasts. They were pretty. I do not recognize more. ”

Difficult to accept, for women, that the essential attribute of their sex e modified much over the years. But why do they maintain a relationship as ambivalent and hard with them? Explanations of Helen Parat, psychoanalyst: “Breasts are the brand of femininity. They are a sign of maturity and seduction, but also a symbol of women’s dissatisfaction over his own body: the breast is never good enough nor quite comforting because it does not match the ideal as a little girl, we have forged. Women are not born with their chests, still long for them virtual. They dream about for years. “Where a discrepancy with reality.

When others consider them

Monique Ayoun, journalist and writer, author of a pretty funny book about her breasts, recalls the trauma when they drove: “I was 11 ½ years. Initially, I was not unhappy, but they were too far. They were very wealthy and I feel like disappearing behind them. I have been very complexed. Fortunately, my mother, who had lived the same situation, I was surrounded, helped her take. It took me choose my first bra, explained how to care for my breasts, I said I was beautiful. “Monique today proudly bears a beautiful chest that time was not damaged. She gives thanks to the motherly eye, which plays a key role, confi rm the psychoanalysts in this report or magnet diffi cult as we grow with them.

Lovely thirties, Sarah remembers it, a very different word: “One day my mother told me, while I leaned forward:” Well it’s funny, your breasts, they look like udder

goat. “This remark flinguée me …”

Massage them to be recaptured

The eyes of mothers, relatives and men, cultural and symbolic representations which their breasts are subject to elude women. They have no control over this external sign of their identity. And there is no in-between: either they are treated as an erotic object, either in the delivery and breastfeeding. How then build a peaceful relationship with them? Chiara, masseuse who provides training created by Valerie Supper, scroll saw many women blocked: “The chest is both taboo and cliché. She has a sexual dimension, which may even be vulgar and sale.D making it difficult to approach. But what is needed: our body is not an object which we can change the parts when they are broken. We must nurture. ”

And to reclaim her femininity, to accept this sensitive area and beautify it, nothing better than to touch her, opting for gestures of well-being simple, devoid of any sexual or medical. In his studio, Valerie Supper features exercises for self massage. Their objective? “Breathing life, consciousness in the chest. To assume it and make it shine, but also because an organ which we care to defend better against potential attacks. “Among the proposed movements, both can be practiced daily in the shower in the bath or just after.

The first act can drain the lymph and gently stimulate blood circulation: place one hand under the breast opposite to it, then draw a horizontal figure eight moving from one breast to another and massaging their contours. The second is in a gentle kneading to stimulate circulation: the opposite hand in, take up all its curve; massage it gently in all directions, then roll it on the pectoral muscle in wide movements and circular, three times in each direction. Recommendations Chiara: “Do not be shy in touch, but to seize the breasts with a hand full, soft, inclusive. Fingers are indicated for kneading sore spots, in the pectoral muscle, for example. “Valerie recommends Supper” by infl eurements start before winning in depth. The oils are recommended over creams because they contain essential fatty acids by which the skin maintains its moisture. Remember that it is what keeps our breasts and touching that, we give them back a form. ” They take consistency, allow women to be recaptured and physically to make them completely their own. Far from the clichés.

Them again or not

“Getting repeat the breasts is not a miracle cure, says Sylvie Abraham, surgeon artist. Each intervention can have disadvantages. I always asked the women who come to consult me ​​about their motives: “Do you want a beautiful chest to dress or undress for you?” A breast reduction, for example, involves significant scarring. And I refuse to intervene on beautiful breasts sagged slightly over time because of this. The result can be psychologically and physiologically good on women who were sick, or those whose breasts have been damaged by pregnancy and lactation. They come with a deep sense of injustice, the feeling of being punished when they tried to best perform their duty as a mother. With implants, many returning insurance. They regain their shape well and resume possession of their bodies. ”

Testimonials

Five women were lent to the game of photography and (re) discovered their breasts. Reactions.

Alizée, 25: “We see her breasts every day … So to see a picture, it seemed natural. Well no, not at all! It’s rather funny to show in this way, in the pages of a magazine, for all to see. ”

Elena, 48: “This picture is a very nice surprise. I have breasts, real ones! Maternal and warm. It made me want to play more décolleté. I also realized that I had taken a little weight. Oops! ”

Elizabeth, age 50: “I think my breasts soft, solid enough compared to how I perceive my femininity. I think that women are wrong to be afraid to breastfeed, I fed three …

Lydia, 44: “This picture shows me part of my femininity that I did not … In fact, before the breast, I find myself much more feminine than I imagined. ”

Lila, 24: “I have not loved to see my breasts in this picture. This is quite confusing to see one of his private parts exposed as much. I found they had lost in authenticity and sophistication won: I have the impression of watching two drops of water so perfect that they seem almost supernatural. “

One day, the flame of desire is extinguished in them. But they have not resigned to live without. Placement of tantric sex, sex therapy, diving in abstinence, doubts and solutions are all lines of inquiry for us.

Firms shrinks and sexologists resonate confidences of men and women who, confused, find that their desire has slowly faded. These confessions of incomprehension and helplessness are common among couples in the long term. But not only. Singles tired of the encounters without emotion or surprise find, too, the lack of momentum, desire to join the body of the other.

While most are resigned to seeing the desire to desert their relationship or their life itself, others decide not to give up. And start looking for ways to regain the spark in them. Lack of intimate communication, inability to reinvent the erotic in everyday life, erosion of desire has known causes and common to all. The remedies themselves are, however each case, registered in the frame of the unique history of the individual and the couple. Edward, Anne, Bruno Chantal and we share their intimate experience.

Tantric sex: “I learned to orgasm without ejaculation”

Edouard Servan-Schreiber , 33, is coauthor with Madeleine Chapsal of lewd Conversations (Pauvert). While testing a decreased desire for his partner, he participated in a seminar, gender, sexuality.

“It’s been nearly four years that I lived with Lena. Until then, our agreement was reliable intimate, intense. Then one day, for no particular reason, I felt that the flame of desire was extinguished. A week passes without an initiative on my part. Then another … After a month of this silence of the body, so new to us, Lena tries to lance the boil in asking me questions. We find no answers. If the desire was lacking, love was alive and well. So what to do? Jena does not want to admit defeat. It engages in the research and finally discovered seminars on sexuality-related tantric yoga and Taoism sexual. Their promises are extraordinary orgasms without ejaculation for men in the whole body orgasms for women, sensual pleasure culminating in spiritual ecstasy … She decides to enroll in a weekend for women, between women. On his return, something major has changed. Very assured, it initiates sex without worrying about my desire. This new momentum to its share is contagious, and I allow myself to take his game

I was surprised and relieved to no longer feel solely responsible for their sexual well-being. I ended up being jealous of what she had learned. It is this jealousy that I was finally prompted me to register for a seminar for men. A seminar in which I knew beforehand that we would be naked, and I would be “invited” to caress and be caressed by other men. A promise, however reassuring: “This weekend is for you. It will take place in respect of your person. The absence of women is only used to remove objects of desire. ”

The dreaded day arrives. I find myself naked in the middle of thirty naked men. Gravity and tension are palpable. The first turn makes me realize that all these men, young, old, tall, short, muscular, fat, gay, straight, are as sad as me to be there, back to square one: having to learn to know and understand. First physical exercise: learn to masturbate. Stunned, I learn how to touch me in many ways, to feel intense sensations and new. I also realize, distressed, I spent my time living an outward sexuality – be it to a woman or to a fantasy – never appreciate the power of what passes through my body.

We are invited to be caressed by another man. This is not an amorous exchange, simply an exchange of physical sensations that I feel fully that day. Over the years, we are moving towards the goal of this course, which is learning to orgasm without ejaculation, that is to say the ability to feel intense pleasure without being exhausted and, especially, to find faster erection. This is just before the threshold of ejaculation, the first tender muscles of the perineum and buttocks, then those of the whole body for five to ten seconds. My body relaxes into an orgasm “inside”: I feel my prostate pulsate, a wave of heat come out of my abdomen and spread throughout my body, then an intense relief project myself into an almost spiritual ecstasy. Leaving this delightful hypnosis, I see no ejaculation occurred. And yet, my erection has fallen, I am fulfilled and calm, but I realize that my excitement has not collapsed, I still bathed in sensuality and energy.

Return this weekend, between the Lena and I desire is obviously not an income magically. To build on our two new knowledge, we decided to make an appointment “sensual exploration” regular. This is how we learned to take our time. Paradoxically, it is concentrating on my own pleasure I felt my desire to revive Lena. We’ve both learned to draw from us our strength sensual without being dependent on another. With the discovery of orgasm without ejaculation, I was no longer in fear of running short our hugs. Our privacy has become much deeper and nourishing and making love has become a very conscious act of tenderness and exchange. “

The Americans, always lovers of acronyms, call the HSD (“hypoactive sexual desire”, “very low sexual desire”). It affects one in three women and five men: lack of desire seems to have become the symptom most often mentioned by patients sexologists.

Fortunately, it’s not my problem, do you perhaps reading these lines. Good for you if it feels good in bed, but “what about” the rest of your life? For desire is also the curiosity, the desire to complete a project, the power to convince. But still, the joy of discovery, to meet friends, travel, curiosity to understand the world. This vitality, Freud had identified as the libido, a term that is too often reduces sex drive. When it comes to fail us, life loses its color, and very soon, its meaning. This is, necessarily, our most expensive. However, we are fortunate to live in a time when the legitimacy of our desires, their importance as a sign of health and balance, is finally recognized.

Previously, the guardians of religion and social order were suspicious of the momentum that can oppose the individual to the collective and group solidarity. Francesco Alberoni, Italian psychologist, while “love shock” is it not a revolution to one another face to the company? (In Clash lovers ). Now far from the nineteenth century, we desire without sin, without debasing us. Beautiful freedom, but that has its dark side. If our desire, beyond a very natural animal power, became a barometer of our sense of life, we are more attentive, and are more anxious to lose it or feel faint. A man who does “band” more is not very safe to exist, a woman who no longer love talking about the loss of her “womanhood.” The matter is serious and justifies all the effort. Its chronic weakness is he not one of the warning signs of depression, this terrible languor of contemporary desire?

But without reaching that point, which meets outages meaning in everyday life? Our intimate enemy, urban stress, we do not slip does not often in the ear, in front of an obstacle a little tough, a “why bother? “Demotivating? And there, if there were no colleagues, spouse, children, friends or principles (“You do not listen! It does not let you down! It is not a wimp! “), we would let slip perhaps. “I find that sex is not essential to married life. Spending time together, have joint projects, build a life together, is it not normal? “Sandrine, 32 years is among those who do not necessarily see the link between need for meaning and need sex. But most of those who frequent our website Psychologies.com do not agree with it. “My wife had an assigned role of head of household, but without desire for her, it did not want to say anything, just broke the mouth, notes Jean-Pierre, 40. There is nothing harder than not share the intimate, and looked set to end up on a tax form to fill out or a washing machine is ebbing. ”

Regardless of our emotional life, sexual desire, even diffuse, even latent, keeps us awake and alive, in a manner sometimes cumbersome, but reassuring because concrete. Daily, all crystallized in our lives of couples. “I have no desire for my husband, I no longer want to pet him or kiss him. It is he who causes our sexual relationships. I do not know if I like it, but we have three daughters. And ten years together. I wonder if the newspaper can kill love. “Josette is 42 and asks for help. All couples who are questioning their desire does not go to the sex therapist and often do not know talk about them. Like Lydia, 35: “It feels so much pressure to be machines that sex, when you have a decrease in desire, you may be ashamed. And it’s even more difficult if one tries to tell his companion for reassurance: he feels to be rejected. Here, you feel powerless and doubly doubly guilty. ”

Who among us has not in the head the idea that a desire that is resistant to both the daily and the years covered by the exception? This expectation is probably resigned the main danger for the lovers of today. To the point that more than one prefers to avoid cohabitation, considered the first of the “kills desire.” There are pathological lack of desire, but they are fortunately rare. The human animal is pretty well programmed to be attracted to each other. But the more he confronts the complexity of life, the more it may no longer find enough room for his desire. This makes it necessary to seek the “tricks”: the baby doll to swinging through the weekend without the kids. Nothing is insignificant or contemptible, but the effects of all that is systematic wear out quickly.

The main recipe is not really one: that is to use every possible means to put sex at the center of the relationship. Hence may arise attitudes, moods and fancies propitious. A journey both in itself and to the other. In adult humans, unlike mammals less evolved, creating a climate in the erotic life goes through many other ways that the sensory. The attention to our partner, making it alive to us in our relationship and its relationship to the world, makes it more attractive. Sexual desire is the consequence of the kind interest extended to the other. One could say, parodying Giraudoux, it has a very pretty name: it’s called love (“It’s a beautiful name: it is called the aurora” in Electra , Larousse). Many testify that we can continue to love without making love, but few manage to achieve a sustained desire in their marriage without love.

Eros: between sexuality and spirituality

To denote the vital energy that control our sexuality, Jung uses the word “eros” which, for him, has two sides: on one hand, sexuality, on the other, spirituality. The psychoanalyst does not separate the two, because sexuality is the desire expressed in his male structure, and spirituality, the desire of women in its structure.

In his mind it is similar to that of Jacques Lacan, arguing that the subject of desire for women, it is God. For Jung , all desire is underpinned by a thirst for the infinite, sexual desire is the body of spiritual desire, and desire spiritual being the soul of carnal desire. The two go together, performing for a human being trying to gather himself in these two desires that structure.

Since the scandal of PIP breast implants, anxiety prevails among many women who have undergone surgery for breast larger or more beautiful, whether voluntarily or due to cancer. And those who find that their breasts are too small, what should they do now?

Breast implants: reassuring messages

The first thing to say is that the PIP breast implants are now on the market. And vigilance in the controls will be even greater – in fact in France, tests carried out since the scandal PIP showed that all other brands are sold in compliance. As recalled by Dr. Denis Goldschmidt, plastic surgeon, “there are in the market over a million medical devices, and they are all subject to checks and balances.” It’s not because breast implants PIP is passed between the cracks for some time that all breast implants are dangerous. However, the PIP scandal may be the opportunity for further reflection on whether to undergo breast augmentation . Indeed, although complications are rare, they are not non-existent, even with dentures perfectly “clean” : kinking hard, painful, disappointing result, problems with healing … The risks are low but not zero.

Breast implants: how to choose today?

These are not usually the women who choose their breast implants , but the surgeons. Their choice is made ​​according to many criteria. “All breast implants have shapes and sizes a little different. To choose the right, we must especially take into account the morphology of the patient and his request, but also the habits of the surgeon, the availability of the prosthesis in the right size, etc.. ” said Dr. Denis Goldschmidt. In this context, it is mainly the surgeon must be able to trust. You need to be reassured? Nothing prevents you discuss with him your breast implants , quality, prospective studies in which they have been.

Breast implants: the price is not a good criterion for choosing

If there is one lesson to be learned from the scandal of PIP breast implants , this is it! These prostheses were indeed cheaper than competition, but for a bad reason. Here is info for a reminder of what is covered by the price of a breast augmentation procedure …

The price of breast implants : 600 euros is the absolute minimum. For a basic model, it is usually closer to 1000 euros.

The service of the surgeon and his team – he is more famous, the more it will cost.

If you operate in a traditional hospital, you pay generally more expensive than private clinic. But you will benefit from the proximity of emergency services or resuscitation in case something happens.

Finally, if you spend the night in hospital it will cost more than if you make the operation as an outpatient, with output on the same day. But again, you will in exchange comfort and security than ever.